My December
by PajamaLinds
Summary: Songfic to "My December" by Linkin Park. Reno contemplates his solitude for the holiday season. A Christmas gift to all my fellow Turk fans.


**_My December  
_**_by Pajama-Linds_  
  
AN: This most likely has been done before... a thousand apologies to whomever got to this first... ;_; but alas, problems on the local front hath putteth me in a bad mood and the Christmas spirit is starting to get on my nerves.  
  
Oh and the lyrics for "My December" belongs to Linkin Park, and Final Fantasy belongs to Square... you know the drill.  
  
~*~  
  
_-This is my December.  
This is my time of the year.-_  
  
There was a slam as the glass hit the table, and aquamarine eyes darted to the bartender. When there was no response from the bartender, the glass slammed on the table again. The bartender turned towards the source of the sound, threw down the rag he was using to clean a glass, and grunted, "Y'know, I'm thinkin' you've had enough for th' night."  
  
The man with the aquamarine eyes glared up. "I'll let you know when I've had enough. Hit me again."  
  
_-This is my December.  
This is all so clear.-_  
  
The bartender held his gaze for a moment before taking the glass and refilling it. "Las' one, ya hear me?" No response. He shook his head and muttered, "Drunken fool..."  
  
_Fool... _he thought, _Fool... yeah, that's me... What would the others think? Poor little... typical... off getting smashed two days before... before..._ He closed his eyes, refusing to let his mind wander too much further.  
  
It seemed like hours before his finished his drink and headed off onto the dark streets on the plate. Hands in pockets, head held low, he didn't care where he went or where he ended up. All he felt was an incredible sense of numbness throughout his whole body and mind. He wanted to break down, but he couldn't bring himself to shed any tears. He wanted to scream, but he found no energy to do so. He wanted to punch something, but he couldn't bring his hand out of his pocket. It felt like something was ripped violently out of his chest. He sighed heavily. It didn't help.  
  
_-This is my December.  
This is my snow-covered home.-_  
  
He walked for several minutes before he realized that it was snowing. He stopped at the corner by a streetlight, silently gazing upwards. The snow was illuminated by the orange glow from the light, like little leaves falling constantly towards the ground, just ever so slowly. This was such a lovely sight, especially for him. It made him feel tranquil. One snowflake fell onto his eye, and he blinked it away. He sighed again, and sniffed.  
  
_-This is my December.  
This is me alone.-_  
  
He looked down the street. There was no one in sight. Everyone was probably home sleeping, warm in their beds and looking forward to the upcoming days.   
  
_Reminds me of..._  
  
_Yeah, just like...  
  
I'm sorry that I didn't do anything._  
  
He somehow made it home that night, and went straight to bed without taking off his dusty coat. His dreams were full of past memories, ones that were painful to remember. He woke up sweating and with tears in his eyes.  
  
A few hours later, he found himself sitting at work in his usual spot in the Shinra building; the last day of work before the holidays. A sad excuse to come to work, he thought. Nearly the entire building had the aura of joy and happiness. Gifts were being exchanged here and there, while some donned spirited articles of clothing. Others had made baked goods to pass around. Everywhere he looked, there was someone smiling. Why did he bother coming today? It was just an unfortunate party... the last thing he wanted.  
  
_-Just wish that  
I didn't feel  
Like there was  
Something I missed.-_  
  
He watched all of this through what seemed a window, where no one noticed him and he didn't bother anyone. Wherever he looked, someone was indulging in the spirit of this time... His head fell onto his hands. _I need to get away_, he screamed in his head.  
  
"Reno!" Elena bounced up to him, tinsel in her hair and her face positively glowing.  
  
He didn't look up. "What?"  
  
Elena bent over him and said in an annoyingly cute tone, "What's wrong, Reno? Aren't you going to have fu-u-u-un today?"  
  
"No. Go away." He turned his body away from her.  
  
Her smile faltered slightly. "Reno, what's wrong? You're acting more-"  
  
"I said go away!" he nearly yelled. "Do I have to spell it out for you!?" With that, Elena suddenly looked like she was about to break down. She turned quickly and left.  
  
_-Take back all  
The things I said  
To make you  
Feel like that.-_  
  
Now that he was alone, he suddenly wished that he hadn't yelled at her. He wanted to talk to someone. Someone that would listen... He glanced up. _Anyone_... Not many could see him from where he was. Alone. He couldn't bring himself to look up again. The feeling of numbness welled up within him again, spreading through his body to his eyes. He closed his eyes, stifling a sob.  
  
_-And I give it all away  
Just to have somewhere  
To go to.  
Give it all away  
To have someone  
To come home to.-_  
  
He wanted a distant touch to comfort him. Her distant touch. _My only family... The only one that I could've shared this time with..._ _No one now to go home to..._ The numbness spread to his fingertips as he tried pushing a strand of hair off his forehead.  
  
He found himself walking out of the office, feeling invisible, and taking the elevator to the top floor. With footsteps echoing through Rufus' empty office, he crept towards the door that led outside. The cold wind greeted him by ruffling his matted crimson hair.  
  
He took a step outside, making tracks through the fresh snow, and looked up to the snow. So peaceful... He rested his hands on the ledge of the balcony, gazing out to the city.  
  
_-This is my December  
These are my snow-covered trees.-_  
  
_Peaceful_... what he never felt. As long as he could remember, he never felt at ease with himself. He always had to be doing something, always had to be moving. Never standing still.  
  
_-This is me pretending  
This is all I need.-_  
  
If only he didn't take things for granted...  
  
_-This is my December  
This is my time of the year.-_  
  
"Reno?" Elena said from somewhere behind him. He held his head low, taking in the view below.  
  
_-This is my December.  
This is all so clear.-_  
  
She stepped up next to him and placed her arm on his back. A comforting touch.  
  
"I'm sorry, Elena," he whispered.  
  
There was a calm silence for some time. Elena watched the city below, and she asked timidly, "Do... do you want to come have dinner with us tomorrow?"  
  
Reno looked up in surprise, his eyes holding a hint of redness. "Why?"  
  
_-And I give it all away  
Just to have somewhere  
To go to.  
Give it all away  
To have someone  
To come home to.-_  
  
"So you'll have somewhere to go tomorrow... and someone to be with."  
  
~*~


End file.
